Clearly I'm failing at my resolution to blog consistently. However, in my defense I must say that this "feels" consistent to me. Any of you that know me know that I'm telling the truth!

Anyway, I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm not as consistent because there's so much else going on that I've got swimming in my head. I'm so terribly, terribly sad these days for my little man. The almost constant ache has returned. And even moments of guilt somehow creep up in my days. I chide myself for not prying his beautiful eyes open to see what they looked like. What kind of sick game is that that I play? *sigh* I just really wish I could have just a little longer with him--I just want to feel him against my chest once more. I want to kiss his little head one more time and feel his fingers curl around my fingertip. Oh god, I miss you so much, Beckett. You are not forgotten, little one. Jack and Mari talk about you with Daddy and I and they tell us about when they met you. You are so very loved.

Why should a horse, a dog, a rat have life, and thou no breath at all?